Last week, I started to write about how I was having an existential crisis regarding how I was spending my free time. I ended up abandoning that post because I felt like I was unable to properly express the inner turmoil I was having. And I didn’t want to come across sounding like a whiny bitch.
You see, I’ve been in a strop of sorts since December. It has been taking an uncharacteristic amount of effort for me to be productive. Between house and yard work, writing for the blog, trying to start a local chapter of Geek Girl Brunch, and a few other things, I feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day for me to put my best effort into these things. I know that this is a feeling that everyone experiences, but for a perfectionists and a person with OCD, it’s the devil. It was getting to the point where I thought I was going to have to start micromanaging my evenings in order to start making advances in the things I want to do and complete.
I think this is a lot of the reason why I haven’t posted in a while. This blog is really important with me and there is so much I want to accomplish with it. There is always that small yet constant fear that this endeavor is going to be another failure.
Then, with an innocuous conversation I was having with my favorite coworker, I suddenly (and finally) realized that I had nothing to stress about.
Here’s a recap of the conversation.
This coworker and I were having one out of normal random chit chat sessions. It started innocently enough by talking about how you could tell summer was around the corner because of how late it stayed light outside. I commented on how during the previous I had gone upstairs to read and thought to myself that I couldn’t believe how light it still was at 8”30My coworker paused sand then looked at my intently. He said he couldn’t imagine sitting and being able to pick and choose what he was or wasn’t going to do for the night. He was actually envious of my ability to choose whether I was going to go to work in the yard or go for a bike ride, or if I was going to lose myself between the pages of a book, or if I was just going to veg out and watch TV all evening. I admitted that while I’m super appreciative of it, it’s also something I do take for granted
I won’t bore you with all the details, but the conversation was an enlightening one and that particular revelation blew my mind. It was the change in perspective that I needed as I had lost my own.
One of the things I enjoy most about being single is that I can be selfish with a lot of things, and especially my time. And that is completely okay!
I can have a hard time reconciling when I think things should get done versus when they actually get done, especially when there is no real or expressed deadline; depending on the things, I can tend to view that as a failure. Just because I don’t post every few days or every week, it doesn’t mean the blog is a failure. Just because I haven’t gotten GGB completely up and running doesn’t mean it is a failure. Just because I haven’t gone to the gym in a while doesn’t mean I’m lazy. As long as I continue to do what makes me happy, in whatever capacity that is, it’s not a failure.
At the end of all of this, I came up with a set of guiding principles for the things I’m trying to achieve that aren’t going to happen overnight. I thought I’d share the two main ones I established for the blog:
1. Write often. Many of my favorite writers have said that one of the best things you can do is write every day. While I may not be writing fiction, the principle holds true. My goal is to write something, whether it’s a quick blerb or a full post, a few times per week.
2. Every post doesn’t have to be 3000 words. As long as it is adding value, that’s what counts.
Perspective is the key to a lot of things in life. Whether is refreshing the existing or gaining some new, it’s how we move forward in life. Here’s to hoping that my updated perspective helps me tap back into my creativity and perseverance in order to achieve my geeky goals.