Crossroads

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Robert Frost has long been one of my favorite poets. I can remember studying his work in school, dissecting the words he wrote, trying to understand their meaning, and having much of it fly over my Advanced English high schooler head. But little did I know that years down the road I would not only finally understand what he was trying to say, but that it would resonant within my soul.

Unless you’ve been living in a remote cave or under a rock, you’ve probably heard of a little thing called the Women’s March. What started as an idea to march on Washington to express dissatisfaction (to put it very, very mildly) over the inauguration of our inept 45th president grew into a grassroots movement that swept across the nation and the world. Millions of people in over 600 sister marches and rallies took to the streets to say that this is not our president, that we will not be silenced, that we will not sit idly by in the face of injustice.

I attended one such rally, a first for me in my almost 30 years on this planet. It was an amazing, eye opening experience. At times I was almost overcome as the collective emotion of the crowd and the momentousness of day started to sink in. Departing the plaza several hours later, I felt emboldened, with a clarity of purpose that I’d been struggling to achieve. Because today was the easy part. The real fight begins tomorrow, and every day after that, as we face four years of uncertainty, of untrustworthy promises, of potential threats.

This leads to one of the most important things I learned, what had helped me pick a path at my personal crossroad- in order to make an impact we have to be heard and we have to be seen. It is time to step beyond our comfort zones and do all that we can, every time that we can. Our individual strengths, focused on a single purpose, will be a formidable force. We are the resistance.

Because this is absolutely, unequivocally, a resistance. And the key to resistance is persistence. This will not be a quick and easy fight. We will not wake up tomorrow morning to find that impeachment proceedings have magically started. They will try to discredit us. They will do all they can to stop us.

But they will not succeed.

Because we will fight, and we will stay the course. We have the numbers. We have the strength. We are the 51% minority.

So I have picked my road. It may be the one less traveled, it may be daunting and shrouded in obscurity, but I travel it proudly and fearlessly. One foot in front of the other, I will travel it for the rest of my days.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

As I enter that reflective state that is so common as we grow closer to that 365th day, I can’t help but to conclude that, above and beyond the obvious shitastic events humanity endured in 2016, it was a very odd year for me personally. Nothing major had happened, there were no life changing events. So was I imagining it, was I being dramatic? That’s when I realized that 2016 had the distinguishing honor of being the prologue to what is bound to be a period of personal growth and transformation.

Being 29, I really didn’t think that could be the case because I have everything figured out, right?

Not right, in case you’re wondering.

It took some time to pinpoint exactly from where this was all coming.

For the better part of the year, there has been a pervasive sense of apathy and indifference that has taken root within my being, ebbing and flowing, but always present; a sensation that I couldn’t quite pin down yet all the while having an intuitive answer that I did my best to ignore. It weight on me, but I never spoke of it, unsure of how to give voice to 1d5401522d8ab4097dac12e76463eb18something I hadn’t yet figured out myself. Until finally the dam broke and I laid bare my concerns to my best friend. When the dam broke, other emotional struggles came pouring out. With a background in psychology and personal struggles with mental illness, she confirmed what I already thought, that this sounds like depression as well as some issues with unresolved emotional trauma. There are no official diagnoses, but I’m treating it as such and with due consideration. I don’t do emotion well, but I have finally realized the harm that has been done by burying and ignoring it. I’m on unfamiliar terrain, and if it weren’t for this friend, I would be hopeless lost. Needless to say, I have my work out for me to get to a better place mentally and emotionally.

Something else that I figured out earlier in the year is that I need to stop comparing myself to other bloggers, other Twitter accounts, and other fangirls in general. I had been increasing my involvement in fandom, seeking out new avenues and interactions in which 9959c37c980da3ba9fa4b2995cf239f5to explore my geekier interests via social media and other online sites. But such is the nature of my personality that I began to focus too much on creating a name for myself (which is just not going to happen, let’s be honest) and started to lose sight of what was most important, the love I had for the shows/movies/characters that had brought me there in the first place. So I took a multifaceted break to evaluate what my true purpose was having a blog and being on social media, what was I trying to achieve? In a world where so much is available at the tap of a finger, it’s extraordinarily easy to get caught up and swept in the machinations of the Internet, it whatever form you experience it. There is still some figuring out to do, but I’m going back to the basics, talking about and sharing things I love and that I find important (geeky, bookish, personal, worldly, and anything in between), just hopefully with a touch more confidence this time around.

All of this culminated into a renewed sense of vigor and purpose. I refuse to let the unpleasantness of 2016 and the uncertainty of 2017 drag me down. Instead I will run headlong into the coming days, months, and years. I will reach for new highs, I will seek out new experiences, and I will, most simply, enjoy life.